If you haven’t read the first blog about relationships that I recently wrote, please read it first.
God created woman for man and ordained their union. It was His will that the two of them “become one flesh” and cleave to one another. However, one point to remember is: Just because God wills it, it doesn’t mean that it will be bump free. Relationships take work and within any relationship there is tension. You get two people together for long enough and disagreements are bound to happen and tension will result.
Many people are looking for that storybook romance where it is always perfect all the time. If that is you then you are in for a great disappointment. I hate to burst your balloon, but those type of romances only happen in Harlequinesque novels. If you are entering into a relationship thinking it will be perfect all the time just wait until you wake up beside your new bride and smell her breath. There will be a day when you realize that love is not an emotion…it is a choice. I love my wife because I CHOOSE to love her. I cannot rely on my emotions, because there are days when my emotions are out of control.
Many places in Scripture our relationship with God is compared to a marital relationship. And Scripture is pretty clear that God chooses to love you…9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light…1 Peter 2. We, the Church, are called the Bride of Christ. In spite of all we do God chooses to love us. Hard to believe, I know, but it is true.
In the book of Hosea, God instructed the prophet to go marry a lady named Gomer. Now that would have been a definite warning sign for me! My response would have been, “Really?!? Gomer?!?” But Hosea did as God said to do. Gomer was not just a normal woman, she was a woman who would become a prostitute, and God knew it. God used this marriage as an analogy for His relationship with Israel. They had once been committed to Him, but because they settled for other things, they prostituted themselves (sold themselves out) and in Chapter 3 of Hosea, God tells Hosea to go and buy her back and love her again. God chooses to love His people (John 3:16), we too must choose to love our spouse.
So, why is it so difficult for us in our relationships? The main reason is that God said it would be difficult. Part of the Curse after the Fall of man was to the woman and God said, “…Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you” Genesis 3:16. And there you have it…TENSION! A woman’s nature desire to to rule over her husband, but God said, “He will rule over you.” Now, I know I just lost some of my readers and you got offended because I said that men ”rule over” their wives. And that is where it becomes necessary to read the first blog about relationships if you haven’t done it yet just click on this link: http://hurtroad.com/2012/04/the-key-to-a-great-relationship/
Now, you understand that the key is loving God first and foremost, and then loving others. So that is where it becomes necessary to understand what Paul was saying when he said to the Ephesians, “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…” If the husband loves God and loves others, then you understand the context in which God says, “He will rule over you.” If you allow your husband to rule over you as Christ loved the church, only good things can come from it. Christ is the Reconcilor. 2 Corinthians 5:18 says, Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation. If both parties in the relationship have their priorities in the right order (God, then others), then Christ will act as the Reconcilor in the midst of the tension.
In my relationship, my goal is to please God and then please my wife. Her pleasure becomes my pleasure. As I serve her, assuming her priorities are correct, she serves me. I choose to love her, and she chooses to love me.
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I had a recent Facebook conversation with a friend I knew in high school about relationships. It seems that this person has had a history of being hurt by members of the opposite sex. She wanted to know how she could know for sure that the other person is being genuine in their love. There is no doubt that relationships can be complicated. When you get two people together there are so many factors that play into the relationship that predictability of longevity is next to impossible. In today’s “throw-away” culture it seems that marriage, too, becomes a “use-it-until-it-wears-out” commodity.
As I said in my conversation with this individual, I am not trained as a marriage or relationship counselor, but I have seen many people do things the right way, and many others do things the wrong way. I can only speak from my experience and from what I have seen work, not just in everyone else’s relationship, but in my own as well. I am proud to say that my beautiful wife and I are nearing 22 years of marriage. I have had lots of experience at doing things the wrong way, but by the grace of God, I have done things the right way also.
With this friend I started with the one thing I know works, “LOVE.” I noticed that on her Facebook timeline she had a quote, which will be familiar to many, from 1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Most of my readers have probably heard some, or all, of this before. It’s “old school.” But the question I asked her is this: As you consider your love for the other person, put your name in place of the word “love” in this Scripture. Can you say that you qualify in every aspect consistently? In other words, using my name…”Mike is patient, Mike is kind. Mike does not envy, Mike does not boast, Mike is not proud. 5 Mike is not rude, Mike is not self-seeking, Mike is not easily angered, Mike keeps no record of wrongs…so on, and so on.
The truth is if this is the way love is measured, then my love falls short. I don’t qualify. And to expect that someone else is going to qualify is hypocritical on my part. So, her question was a logical one: How does that work out in relationships then?
1 John 4:8 says, “…God is love.” Marriage, and relationships, originated with God. He is the glue that holds relationships together. It was God’s intent from the very beginning that a man and a woman be individually united to Him prior to being united to one another. And since “God is love,” and we don’t measure up to all He is, He makes up for what we lack when it comes to loving others, even our spouse.
When it comes to relationships Jesus gives us the key when He gave us the Great Commandment in Mark 12:30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” In this, Christ was referring to how to have a proper relationship with God; however, as you enter into a relationship with the opposite sex, if both individuals have grounded themselves in these two commandments then there is no way that a relationship should EVER end. Within every relationship the other person would always be more important than yourself.
This is why it is crucial to have Christ as the center of a relationship. The marriage vow is an ever-lasting covenant established by God that really can work out “for richer, or for poorer, in sickness, or in health, ’til death do you part.”
That is the key to a great relationship!
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